Humorous Quotes by the Late Robert Mugabe

Today is 1 April! Instead of the usual serious articles, let’s have some humorous quotes by the late Robert Mugabe:

• “Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest   then his ribs draw Adidas lines on your face.”

• “Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a "broke" man who's extremely good in bed.”

• “It's hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.”

• “If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don't walk around with X-rays to see inner beauty.”

 

Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org

Respect pregnant women because it's not easy walking around with evidence that you've had s*x.”

• “Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a 'girlfriend'.”

• “Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who texts you "I miss you" only when it's raining because you are not an umbrella.”

• “Don’t fight even over girlfriends. The country is full of beautiful women. If you can’t get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.”

• “Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real.”

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“If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first

• “Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit.”

• “If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads.”

• “If your man is cheating on you don't argue with him my sister because you will not win. Save yourself from High blood pressure, just change all the names of the girls on his phone, do not delete the numbers. Mix them, replace Natasha with Lisa, Nikki with Grace so on and on, wait the moment he's gonna call or sms them one by one. Make yourself a cup of coffee and relax, you'll thank me later.”

• “Some girls don’t attend the gym but look physically fit because of running from one man to another.”

• “When your girlfriend meets a Rich man you say she's a gold digger, but when your sister meets a Rich man you say she's blessed, my brother the thunder that will strike you is coming from India.”

• “Help a girl when she is in trouble and she will surely remember you when she is in trouble again”

• “A woman that loves you will stick with you no matter how much a player you are. And that “woman” is your mother.”

• “If a guy dumps or breaks your heart, take his phone and leave. Call his Mother and tell her the guy is dead. Tell her you’re actually calling from the accident scene, then switch off that phone. You cannot be crying alone. She must also feel the pain for not raising him well.”

Have a lovely day and apologies if any of his jokes sound distasteful, we are sure he meant no harm!

Source: https://www.tripboba.com